A Poor Soul's Past

'Twas the night of midsummer's season but the heat wasn't really getting into me. In fact, it was neither hot nor cold, the atmosphere was all too fine...
The fire was dancing; the fine dirty white smoke emitted by the burning wood gushed out from the chimney hastily. The shadows in the room seem to be joining the beat of it.
I was in a sofa, lying coolly but thinking deeply. I was in a supine position, my head on a cushion, left foot on a stool and the other huddled near my thigh; how soothing the feeling was. Even the warmth surrounding the place made me feel comfortable...
A thought just passed me. I could barely recall it, but the message was clear; I am a HYPOCRITE. I am living a life full of pretentious wonders. "Grow up!" I said to myself. My ego won't let me for he knows I'm too dependent. I may not understand why I'm fond of it but I know my capacity. My weakness is my ability not to control it.
I'm so broke!
My friends are the best; though many things had happened still I am thankful I met them. Sometimes, insecurity got the better of me. I felt unwanted, trashed, dumped, left behind, and unnoticed. I guess it's just a part of living, or may be a part of our arrogance.
I'm such a fool!
I love my family so much. The fact is, I think I'm the black sheep of the clan. For them, everything I do isn't good enough; they really love to compare! I hate it. I'm not yet accepted; I don't know where to start confessing although they already knew it. I wish they'll just let me be.
I'm so weak!
I am not a somebody nor a nobody. Why the hell am I contemplating all these things where in fact I'm not the only one whose got problems. I know that some people has problems far greater than I have. Why worry! (sigh)...

- Interview with a lonely Soul.

How far can you, or... do you understand?

Can it be any harder? That for once I will be forced to throttle my keenness in relating a small thing from a particular ordeal? I believe in defying the odds. In making things possible out of sheer dumb luck. But a price is always at stake, never before that it has to be done in a clean fashion. Sometimes, you'll have to fight to be undefeated.
I am speaking in full terms; judging by the lack of guilt and despair to the woes of great evil ascending the depths of reality as to go beyond comparison of such nonsense and stupidity. Crime does not pay. Good deeds aren't that holy. Mischiefs are unexpected. Incidents don't come in accident. Because things are not always what they seem.
A fiendish scheme is half but not in all sight is effective. Are we that mysterious enough to unravel such horror in our personality, aren't we? We are not animals for goodness gracious. Clearly we are designed to choose the best out of a wrenching havoc. It is in our conviction to put a notion in action. We just have to let it be. We are what we are. It will never cease for as long as we live in this beautiful but cruel world.