PuLsE

SUCCESS

2011-09-12T10:41:00.003+08:00

...read this. it's everything that we know, but it's everything that we keep forgetting.

When does one say, “I am successful!”

Is it when he has become the head of a country?

... graduated from a prestigious university

With the highest educational degree?

...married and have many children

To constitute a big family? Or

...become the president of a company

And enjoys the luxury of money?

Success is more than money...

More than an educational degree...

More than a prestigious job...

And more than a big family.

Success is that which the heart desires-

Having used to the fullest what god has given,

And contentment in life regardless how far one has gone,

For it is how we are measured when our life is done.

Success is having shared one’s blessings with the less fortunate

Without expecting something in return;

It is that ecstatic feeling when you someone happy

Even with just a word of advice or

Simply being beside him when he needed company.

Success is that immeasurable feeling of happiness

When at a ripe age you have no guilt to amend for,

Remorse to cry for, and indebtedness that should be settled

Before your sight is dimmed and sighed your last..

Puta de Fruita

2011-01-31T11:20:00.004+08:00

PUTA de FRUITA
A fruita dessert not suited for a cooka-pooca;
Wild the fruits may be, it has not a tasty taste of banana shaka.

Whip cream topped the top of fruita el cavana;
While milk bottomed the frocky frothy coo-coo-ramba.

Rock the Rock, puta de fruita is a must have stock,
With its colorful time-prime and round the clock...
it is fascinatingly a beauty like a flock of peacock.

Oh Puta de Fruita!
What a Masterpiece you are to the GaGa's.
Like every taste of your numbingly sweetish beat...
I jump to the peak of my sweetheart feat!

My predicament said, "such grit would turn to fit...
only if it would run out of shit."
LIVE POOCA AND SPEAK FRUITA
LIVE HUMBLY BUT ACT FRUITALLY

Be a rainbow.
Go and enjoy your tow.

It's hard not to fall for DICK

2010-10-12T14:17:00.004+08:00

Inside the men’s comfort room…

Boy1: Hey! What are you doing?! Go stare somebody else’s cock! Jeez!

Boy2: Uh… would you at least mind if I take a photo of it?

Boy2: Fuck!!!

* * * * *

(laughs) Yeah… that’s probably what most straight men will say if ever a gay would do such a thing like that. Or even worse, one or two black eyes on the go perhaps.

What is it with dicks that make gays gaga over it?

Is it the size? It’s shape? The colour? The balls? Or is it the guy who owns it? Well, it really depends on the person actually. All gays have different tastes.

As an avid fan of dick (laughs), I asked some of my closes friends and their friends as well on why is it so damn hard not to fall for it.

For some reason, what I thought of dick was alarmingly the same answer they gave me. According to them, it is in the nature of gays to say that dick is “YUMMY”. That it is very common to them to say that dick is in fact and exemplarily an oh-so-delicious thing. A friend also tells that, “I get so aroused when I see a man naked. And even in posters and porn mags, I would easily give in and have myself masturbating in my room holding the picture of that guy.” Another one said that, “I love dicks, I really love them. But I’m a very choosy and careful kind of guy. I don’t just pick a dick from somewhere. Ewe kaya! May standards akonoh! Haha” On my own account, I partly agree with them. And like I said, it depends on the person’s view and how he would label dick in his own verdict.

Come to think of it, did it ever occur to you and did you ever consider that dick is a part of every man’s body? Well… yes, of course. And, those gays also have this kind of thing in them even for the transsexuals? I mean, all dicks are the same regardless of the size, colour, shape it represents. It is the most vital possession any man could ever have, whether that guy is a boy, an adult, an old person, etc.

Well, my experience tells me it is so, and I have been thinking of it ever since this stupid embarrassing moment happened to me…

It was September’s last days and my final days of stay in Davao.

My boarding house was located next to the newly rented house of three boys, a girl and two babies. I was doing some laundry in the backyard. As I was washing my clothes, the guy next door, the cutest of the three, went to their backyard too, not to do laundry but to take a bath together with his nephew I think. I didn’t mind it at first until I went to my room to get more soap and hangers for my clothes. As I went through the stuffs, I remembered that my neighbour was still taking his bath. Eagerly, I moved to the window slowly and took a little sneak peak. The funny thing was, he was already looking at me and he was smiling broadly. I was so embarrassed that I immediately kneeled down, covered my face and laughed.My ears got red for about five minutes. I was like going to shout but I could not. (laughs)

It put me through a lot to gather all my wits back after that moment. Not to mention he was only wearing short pants. Man! What was I thinking! (laughs)

… and that’s how I view dick on my own perspective. It’s the person that owns the dick and not the dick that owns a person.

Do you get my point?

We love dick, you love dick.

The only difference is that gays only want and like dick depending on the person who has it. But for those who really really like dick no matter what. Well, they must be very desperate that all men they see have yummy dicks.

Well, I think that’s just about it. I don’t know with you gays, but if you have something to add up or react, just do so. Feel free to say something about what you feel, what you need to say, what you want to point out, etc.

*It includes not only gays but everyone as well.

David + Goliath

2010-06-18T19:09:00.005+08:00

David and Goliath were my best friends. We’ve known each other since we were little. We became friends because our houses are situated right next to each other; in short, we’re neighbors. The three of us went to school together- preschool, junior high and even college. And as we grew up, we went our separate ways but got reunited by fate. We pursued our dreams and eventually landed the job we always wanted to have. David became a preschool teacher and was noted as the best teacher according to the school’s administrators. Goliath inherited his parent’s fortune; he was also one of the most sought-after attorneys in the U.S. As for me, I own a franchising boutique of clothe line products all over the world. Yes, we became successful after years and years of hard work and struggle. It was also very promising for we have made possible the dreams of our lives. We kept in touch every holidays and when we have free time. All was going well until one day. . .

Morning came and I woke up upon hearing the ringing of my phone. Goliath was on the line. He was talking candid at first but as the tone of his voice changed, I knew something was wrong.

“He’s sick.” Goliath said, grimly.

“What? Who’s sick?” I asked.

Dead air came all of a sudden. Confused, I began to talk again...

“Hey, are you still there?” I said.

Before he could answer back, a sobbing cry broke the air in response...

“David is sick, really really sick.” He said, crying.

“What are you talking about? I saw him perfectly well just yesterday, so why are you crying?” I exclaimed as I questioned his behaviour.

“You don’t understand! He needs you right now! He has leukemia, Grey...,” Goliath replied with a shaken voice.

It was only on that day, the first Friday morning of summer that I found out that David was struggling the moments of his life. After hearing the news, I then immediately went to my car and drove off.

On my way going to the hospital, I felt a searing pain and fear in my heart. It was like being stung by a bee except that what I felt was more than just a sting, like something bad was going to happen. The sky agreed with my sensation as well. The hoary clouds were heavy and dark and so were the questions popping out in my head. David’s situation was very questionable. And I was also having the feeling that both of them were hiding something from me...

* * *

I arrived at the hospital before the rain started to fall hard. I called Goliath on the phone and said that I will be there in a minute and that I have just arrived. I reached David’s room and entered immediately without knocking. I saw David lying in bed, weak and pale. Goliath was seated next to him holding his soft pale hand. Both smiled when they saw me entered. I then rushed to David and hugged him.

“I’m very glad to see you came for me, Grey.” David said, softly.

“Of course I would, silly!” I said with a sad and wounded smile.

Seeing David that weak and helpless made me cry. I just couldn’t believe that a very energetic and vibrant person have this kind of illness.

He was very pale. His eyes were sullen-red like someone who had cried forever and had not slept for days. He looked restless.

“Why?” I asked, angry and heart-broken.

“Why did you agree with him? Why didn’t you oppose the idea of not telling me?! I pointed out at Goliath.

“It’s for your own good, Grey,” Goliath said calmly.

“For my own good?! For crying out loud! Do you think it got me that good not knowing? (Sigh)... Am I not a part of this? Why? After all that we’ve been through and... And... Ugh! It’s not that easy to accept it just now!” I bursted out, crying.

“Look! It wasn’t that easy for me also!” Goliath shouted, standing and about to cry.

Goliath cried heavily in front of us. It was the first time I ever saw him cry that much.

“Even though we are more than just friends I still feel guilty of not telling you, Grey. You know, every time the three of us go out on a Saturday night or have coffee in a cafe, seeing your face blank and haven’t got any idea of what’s happening makes me want to spill it all out, but I can’t. I couldn’t do it because I made a promise and if I did, it’ll make the whole situation worse. And... we’ll fight. I don’t want us to fight, to have misunderstandings.” Goliath sobbed frantically as he said all those. He tried to catch his breath every time he utters something. He was obviously worried. His lips were shaking- his whole body was shaking with grief and sadness.

“And you know what, when we go to sleep, he would always say sorry and cry. There wasn’t also a moment that he would mention your name and feel sorry always. You see Grey, he loves you, he loves us both, and neither would he do something to hurt us!”

“I don’t like to see you crying, Grey.” David interrupted.

“Who wouldn’t!? Did you kept this whole thing from me?!” I cried; hurt enough to make any gestures.

“I didn’t want to worry you and make you upset Grey. I did not tell you because I know you’ll just worry yourself from thinking of it, besides, you know how you are with things needed to be done. You will not stop until everything is at the way it should be.” He said in a low tone.

“I know that, but I’m your friend too you know. And this is something you should have told me before! You shouldn’t be hiding secrets from me!” I said, clutching my handkerchief tightly.

David wiped the tears off my face. He hugged me and said sorry. He then explained everything to me. And it was only then that my questions were answered. He was just 8 years of age when he started to collapse and get sick all of a sudden. He didn’t mind it at first not until when he reaches 9. By then, he would frequently show signs of weakness and energy loss. His family got worried of his condition; he was going in and out in some clinic only to find out that he has leukemia. When David knew that his illness is going to cut-short his time someday, he immediately told Goliath about it. Both agreed to keep it from me in hopes that I wouldn’t start to feel sorry and worry myself too much. As years went by, he took the medications his doctor prescribed him just to keep his self going through and through...

* * *

A knocking on the door broke our teary conversation. It was David’s family. As soon as they entered the room, goliath and I went outside giving privacy for the whole family to be with their loved one.

Outside the hospital, the rain did not stop from pouring. The sky was still dark, although it was only 11 in the morning. I reached for a cigarette in my pocket and gave one to Goliath, lighted it and smoked.

Goliath sat down and frowned his face to the ground. Clearly he didn’t want me to see him that way. He wiped his tears and tried to calm down.

“You could’ve at least tried. What he’s going through is my burden, our burden. No matter how painful it is, still, friends will still be friends no matter what,” trying to move close to him face to face.

Goliath sat still, motionless, quiet. He was still trembling. I patted his back, kissed his forehead and hugged him.

“It’s alright... i’m sorry. I just wanted to make things clear.” I said.

He then clutched my arm tightly and said, “I don’t want to lose him.”

I could feel from his grip that he was not ready to accept what might happen to David. It was like heaven just fell down on him, on his heart, crushing it like all hope was gone.

“Hey, don’t give up. David is not like that. He’s a fighter and you know that,” I said, calming him down.

* * *

David’s family went to the nurse’s station to call two of his brothers who weren’t there; his parents went to his doctor to check what progress their son is having at the moment, while Goliath and I stayed to accompany him.

I was sitting beside Goliath reading a newspaper. I wasn’t exactly reading the pages but browsing; my mind was still locked on David. I couldn’t help noticing the both of them. David’s eyes fixed at Goliath and so were his. Goliath held David’s hand, kissing it, caressing him; he was making him comfortable. They were both so cosy and sweet, like coffee and cream mixed together so as to produce such good taste and aroma. Both were teary eyed upon watching and touching each other’s face that I myself was affected too and not a moment too soon I was already crying without them noticing me. Finally, Goliath broke into tears. David smiled. It was the weakest smile I had ever seen, yet, the same sweet and lovely smile I used to see. He gently touched Goliath’s wet cheeks wiping the tears off. Goliath leaned over and kissed his nose. And then, they kissed.

Goliath’s hands were cupping David’s face and kept planting kisses on his lips, cheeks and nose. Goliath’s actions were very obvious even to David; he was already depressed and couldn’t bear to think that he would be missing the guy he loved all his life. David hushed his sobbing by hugging him close to his heart. I cried emotionally upon watching them. It was like a movie scene from titanic, except that it was more realistic than just acting; ‘twas very intense and heart-pounding. The lovers parted still clutching each other’s hand tightly. David called me. I could still hear Goliath’s emotional, yet noisy sobs as I walked close to them. Again, David’s weak smile showed up. I immediately hugged him without saying something.

“I’m sorry, Grey. I love you so much. And please forgive me for what I did.” David said, weakly.

“Hey, it’s okay. I love you you goof!” I said with a smile that nearly turned into a gloom.

David let out a soft laugh and grinned at me.

“Yeah! And you still remember that name you used to call me, huh?” he said, happily.

David started to recall one situation during our childhood days. It was the time when the three of us had picnic at the park. He would always trip off at something with mouth wide open; and when he does, he would fall easily and have his mouth full of grass or sand. And it was that time when I started calling him that name, Goof. Goliath would laugh about it and tease him all day making him cry like a baby.

David made a deep sigh then looked at our faces. He smiled and reached for our hands. We felt the warm joy and happiness in his touch.

“(Sigh)... I missed those days, don’t you” David said.

“Yeah,” Goliath and I replied with a teary smile.

“I love you guys... I love you so much.” David said, faintly.

When David said those words, we knew that he was going to go. He was still clutching tightly at our hands until he rested and closed his eyes. As his eyes shut closed, his hands also drowned slowly like a tune slowly fainting as it reaches its end. Goliath let out a big cry. His breath was already out of control as he hugged the lifeless body of his lover. He repeated David’s name, his planted kisses and the words “I love you” as he cried furiously at him.

And not a moment too soon, David’s family came back along with his just arrived brothers. Some brought flowers and chocolates for David, and some even made him a get well soon card. As his family entered the room and saw us crying over David, they he was gone. All broke into tears as they came running towards David. I gave way to the family, as for Goliath, he just stayed there without noticing that David’s family circled them.

I went to the window hoping that I could lighten up the hurtful load somehow. But to my dismay, my heart just sank more. The pain of losing someone dear to you was too great, too great that it was completely unbearable to unload. I could not even wipe the tears that kept falling down my cheeks and unto the floor.

* * *

The day of farewell came. The sun did not show his self. The sky was gloomy and the ground was wet. Everything seems to be in grief of David’s last day on topsoil. Everyone was there, the family, friends, neighbours; all was complete even David’s students were present that time.

Everyone wore black garments except for one. Goliath wore the white long sleeved polo and pants David gave him on his birthday three years ago. He was sure that David was watching and would be pleased to see him wearing it.

Many cried, mourned and shouted as his casket was gently buried down to the ground. The sun’s ray went out and shined our faces at last. Goliath smiled with tears on his face. He then laid his arm on my shoulder, leaned, and breathed a deep sigh. Finally, he accepted David’s leave. But I know for sure that deep inside him, he is still mourning.

Then out of nowhere, small white butterflies flew around in mid air. The crying gradually stopped and everyone’s gloomy face turned into cheerful smiles.

“You take care, David.” I said, sad but somehow happy.

“I love you, David. We will never forget you.” Goliath said, wearing his best smile at David.

* * *

Eight months later, we moved on with our usual lives. I was packed loaded with some things needed to be done in my boutique. On the other hand, Goliath was also struggling back to back with his grocery mart business and a running case for almost three months. We were very busy and preoccupied with our work but we always find time to go and visit David.

One day, I received a telegram from one of the offices Goliath was working with. It says that I have to call the Montereys as soon as I received the note.

A woman’s frail voice answered the phone. I recognized it at once, it was Goliath’s mother. She was crying when she answered my call.

“Mrs. Monterey, it’s me, Grey. I just received the telegram Goliath sent me and called you right away. Is he there? Is there something he’d like to talk about?” I said.

She was frantically sobbing, trying to catch her breath before making a response. Until...

“Oh Grey, It’s you. Goliath?” She wondered.

“Yes, I would like to talk to him but if he’s not there, please tell him I called.” I remarked, not noticing her behaviour.

Goliath’s mother cried again.

“Grey, you don’t know?” she said in a low shocked voice.

“What is it ma’am? Is there something wrong?” I asked immediately.

“Goliath is gone dear,” she said with a trembling tone of her voice.

Mrs. Monterey suddenly hung up the phone. It was very obvious why she hang up. She is, of course, Goliath’s mother. And we all know how mother’s are in terms of their love for their children.

I was shocked of Goliath’s sudden death. I felt that same feeling I had the day David left us. The presence of sadness shook every nerve in my body as if everything was about to collapse dead. Two of my best friends are gone, leaving me behind all alone. And somehow, it was unfair.

* * *

I went to Goliath’s wake with grief and sorrow in my heart. Entering the house made it worst for people who mourned sat still, heads bowed with trails of tears marked the their gloomy faces.

Goliath’s sister came up to me as soon as she saw me in the room. I tried to appease my feelings but I couldn’t, even for a short span of time. It’s just that my loss was too great to be calmed by such gleeful attempts.

Rhonda hushed me by taking my hands and made gentle rubs. She then told me what had happened.

A police called at their house saying their brother is in the hospital and is dead. According to the witnesses, he was crossing the street when suddenly a woman was shouting at his back, and as he turned to look, there was a boy in the middle of the road trying to get his ball. He went to the spot to pick up the boy but a roaring ford suddenly hit him while attempting to get the child. The boy was fine but Goliath was not. Hi body lied motionless on the ground. He was then rushed to a nearby hospital but did not make it upon arrival. Rhonda also said that while he was in the ambulance, he kept repeating my name and David’s.

* * *

“He kept repeating my name and David’s” was the only thing I could think over and over my head. The thought of it made my heart bruised and bled profusely. It was draining my soul into nothingness but kept me wanting for more. David is gone... and now you.

“You are driving me nuts, guys.” I thought, standing next to Goliath’s family at the memorial park.

“But I love you both!” I whispered, throwing two red roses at him.

David and Goliath were my friends, my best friends. We’ve known each other since we were little. We grew up together clutching each other’s hands. They grew up as lovers. I was their nanny. Both were completely lost, somewhat like in a trance when together. As witness of their love, struggles and joy, I certainly would agree that they are inseparable by time and place no matter what the circumstances may be.

* * *

“I still hear your voice,” Cascada sang into the hazy cool room. I put the pillow aside and sat, still drowsy. I smile upon hearing the song as I rubbed my sleepy eyes.

“I still feel your touch in my dream,” Cascada managed to sang again before I hit the off button and shut her off. “I’ll be singing that in my head now,” I sighed as I rose from my bed. It had been on since last night when I was listening for some news; eventually, the T.V was broken so I had to bear with the radio for the mean time.

I poured coffee in the mug David gave me 3 years ago on my birthday. I passed through the living room and bent down the fireplace, lighted it and stood up. On the top shelf of the fireplace, there were pictures and frames in it. I looked at it and found the picture of us three, David, Goliath and me, smiling broadly at the cake being sliced.

“Forgive me my weakness but I don’t know why, without you it’s hard to survive,” Cascada sang in my head as a tear fell down the picture I was holding. It was David’s birthday party three years ago. I baked the vanilla cake for him for it was his favourite. Like many marriage oaths, both took a vow.

“Okay then,” I said, placing the cake in front of David. “Do you, David Mcguire, take this man no matter how troublesome this guy is and anything that would concern him in many ways?”

“Yeah.”

“And do you, Goliath Monterey, take this man, admitting how lucky you are and promising not to fuck it up or i will surely kill you in many ways so David can at least be satisfied?

“Oh, Yeah,” Goliath said, turning to face David and take his hand, just under the table. The looks on their faces that i had seen seem to pass between them was lost because of the merriment and playing moments of family and friends enjoying the party together. But the words Goliath said to David were never lost between.

“Do I take this man?” Goliath repeated, giving David’s hand a squeeze. “Always have, always will.”

“I now pronounce you inseparable,” I said.

“You may now cut the cake,” I shouted with a smile as the camera man was ready to take our photo.

My Ideal Partner

2010-05-29T11:49:00.003+08:00

Sex, Everybody likes sex. Everybody wants sex. What value could one possibly get from sex? Love? Intimacy? or pleasure?
I can't really read your mind, you know. But i know some would think sex is not the only thing that can make you happy. What is it with sex anyway that everybody seems it should be a must for every couple? Well, for them maybe it is. But for me, it's not.
I had a partner once. And every time we go to bed, i get irritated when he urges me to have sex with him. Although it's great to have sex, i really don't get to see why someone would go for a lot of trouble just for it to happen. And i was growing tired of it. So, i have learned to understand and let go. He was damn happy about it, too.
What i like for a partner is that he understands the words "yes" and "no", the words "like" and "want", and the words "lust" from "love."
What i want for a partner is that, he's happy lying in bed with me; no sex, no fights, and no whatsoever. Just me and him, talking about love, life, and kisses.
I know what you think, it's boring. But it's my own way of showing you that it's simple living.

the Gleek! haha?!

2010-05-11T10:35:00.002+08:00

i love what i am doing.
it's my passion and fashion.

you see, you see, it's very complicated.
i can't please anybody, you see.
i know i can't please you either.
so pls, just let this face be oblivious...

-- drama queen, Cheezy Montenegro

IGNORED

2010-02-19T13:30:00.002+08:00

they were my treasures..
oh yes they were.
but something flickered..
i know what it was.
oh how horrible it was..
the bond broke.
the THING and the OTHER THING parted..
disconcerted.
they made choices.
all was in favor of the THING..
OTHER THING was put to exile.
the THING was more weighed than the OTHER THING.
how unjustifiable..
the THING was more preferred.
so, they were in favor of the THING.. more in favor.
why?? asked the OTHER THING..
no one answered.. poor OTHER THING.
maybe THING was the phenomena of the whole group..
that's why the group were on THING's side..
it's not my fault, it's not my fault.. cried OTHER THING.
why stand on THING's side when in fact, THING was very much obvious of being irritated to OTHER THING's cries that THING, started to ignore OTHER THING's presence..
yes.. yes.. yes..
i was then ignored by the group.
sad, isn't it?
tsk, tsk, tsk..

*for them, i am a disease..
they sprayed my existence with cleaning fumes..

i'll be back.. back.. back..

There's No Place Like Us

2010-02-01T14:41:00.002+08:00

he sailed through many squalls,
weakness and fear were his pessimist's trials
he was given the world, so much that he couldn't see
how beautiful his life could be
and as he chased the day at world's end,
he never saw the fate that could make his heart mend
he tried to survive
to out-stand the mockery he revived
still. . he was crashed, defied, humiliated!

ashamed.
ashamed. .
ashamed. . .

at a lonely coast
someone was struggling across
he was completely lost
dead air made him to frost
carried by false truth kept him going
where can he find truth?
in a place full of goth
I hope he'll fought
to the very end of his trot
disguised as incredible hulk
the man was a fiery bulk
sexy, stunning, manly...
the only butterfly tamed of noble phantasm
he was,

ashamed.
ashamed. .
ashamed. . .

alas!
when two worlds collide
across the shameful sides
doubted by a fearing pride
comes the troubled hearts
weeping, sobbing, crying...
willing to forget shame
longing to get back in the game
let us not pretend
because this is not our end
together we will fight
now that we know we're right
we seek to find justice
but justice is us
we have found our selves
we are what we are,
and nothing again will keep us afar
to repeat the mistakes we have caused so far
for we survived the pass
"there's no place like us."

The Infamous Demented Soul

2009-09-30T08:49:00.004+08:00

She roamed the earth for almost 25 years. She cried, she wept, she sobbed. And now, she's the person everyone loves not to be with. She's a backstabber, a hater, and a humbug. she's demented. With all that she has left within herself is her definition of her being. She's pathetic in her noblest way.

She's poor but rich with awesome stupidity.

She's rich but poor with awesome goodness.

Yes, this demented soul is still existing, lurking, wandering.

Her eyes, red and blazing with vengeance.

Her nose, distorted for smelling havoc.

Her mouth, drooling of hunger and thirst for victims.

Her ears, growing large and thick of bad information.

Her hands, wicked and heinous ready for restoring chaos.

Her body, thin and aging because of her misfits,

and her soul. . . evil and demented.

She's infallible of such grief and sullen madness. When face to face with this monster, never show remorse, never be shocked, never feel undertaken and most importantly... never go down to her condition.

Just walk, relax, and forget.

BAR 183

2009-07-28T14:55:00.004+08:00

I was on the roof staring blankly at the vast place of my neighbor, thinking of nothing but happy moments of my life. . .

It was that Saturday night of November 2008 when I was having fun.
I was at the bar with my friends.
We were all taking the good time away from work, an all-boys night out.
The bar was jam-packed with good looking personalities, drinking and dancing.
Even my friends were a little bit busy too having conversations with one another.
Damn! I was having fun just by listening to their funny stories.
I stood up from my seat and roamed around the place hoping to find someone I know.
I was already 4 tables away from were I left when a roaming waiter, carrying a plate with glasses of wine passed by me.
I signaled for him and took one glass of the bloody red wine.
I made a sip and went to a nearby ledge table to sit and smoke.
I was about to light my cigarette when YOU pulled me by the hand and dragged me all the way to the dance floor.
I was shocked.
I haven't the slightest idea of who you were yet so I just let myself go with the flow, YOUR flow.
While dancing, I just couldn't help but think in confusion of who the hell am I dancing with!
YOU kept on staring at me, at my whole face!
YOU smiled and suddenly stopped dancing.
YOU leaned on me, kissed me on my cheeks and uttered a jaw-dropping revelation.
"your fly is open"
It was shocking indeed.
I rushed right away going to the balcony.
I was laughing out loud when I zipped my pants.
Giggling, I reached for another cigar in my pocket and lighted it.
Suddenly, YOU turned up placing a hand on my waist,
I smiled.
YOU threw my cigarette away and seriously looked at me.
YOU cupped my face and gently kissed my lips.
And oh! we were doing the french kiss.
A moment had passed, we stared at each other.
We hugged and said this both,
"glad to have met you"

. . . (deep sigh). . . The thought of coming back is hurtful. Memories are forever but this one is too much to bear. Tears started to fall when I saw two figures making out by the window of my neighbor's house. One of them was small and very muscular but the other, he was tall, well-built, and, and. . .OH MY GOD! I was pain-stricken by whom I saw that I covered my mouth out of shock. It was like some pointed thing pierced my body right through the heart and made me ache so bad that I could not breathe the least. My tears begun to fall heavily. I wanted to yell but I couldn't. I wanted to jump on that roof but I couldn't. I wanted to scream but I still couldn't. Was I not enough?! That you have to find another just for that?!. . .
after a moment of cries and sobs, I fell silent. Blank, empty, I just sat there, still as a rock. I just uttered, "I will never waste my pearls again."

English Family

2009-07-09T09:32:00.004+08:00

Bees for keeps!
Mia, Farnie, moi

the phantoms!

party @ Maurixos

guys, here are the only pics i uploaded. thank you...
sa uulitin.

The Stain

2009-06-20T11:41:00.007+08:00

I walked through the vast quiet field of snow on a dumbfounded place that noon. I was carefree to express the solitude that i have long been waiting. It was quite lonely and dull though. I ran, jumped, and rolled over as i was aware that no one was there but me. Not even a single live being showed up.
I was glad. But little did i know that i had already scattered pieces of my presence all around.
There i was, exhausted from all that crazy things I'd done. Bits of snowflakes started to rain. 'Twas cold, i was cold! So i pressed my whole body closer, rubbed my palms and walked little. Then, i stumbled on what appeared to be an armor shield, although the look was dirty and somewhat disembodied. It somehow elucidated the whole scenery of the place. I took a peak. I could see myself, clean and tidy. But i was bothered by what the reflection revealed other than me. It was so dirty and trash-looking that i said to myself "who could have done this awful thing?"
Slowly i turned around. From afar, snow angels marked the ground in every corner of the place. Bows and arrows everywhere, some are broken and filled with blood. Burnt ripped clothes scattered everywhere, swords shimmered at a distance. Shield and armors lay aside every dead person. How horrible the scene was. Blood stained the whole place like hell.
Then, i saw footprints, bloody footprints. The tracks circled the perimeter, went to a spot from another, wheeled to and fro... and as it passed behind an ensanguined rotting corpse. My mind froze. My eyes got all wide. My mouth fell into a shock.
Terrified, i told myself.

the. . . the footprints. . .
it lead right. . . a- at. . . . . . . me?!

fate

2009-06-17T19:16:00.004+08:00

"I CAME... riding the road of my life's beauty. I SAW... the pain and suffered the misfits. I CONQUERED... and defied the odds of everything."

the Geek and the Exceptional

2009-05-05T16:47:00.001+08:00

I’m a geek and I’m proud of it. Armed with books and things to carry is my pride. I am not fashionable, yet I am simple. I only wear tight jeans, a tucked in sweat shirt and a large eye glass of color pink. My hair is so sleek and is combed perfectly.
“Am I ugly?”
No you’re not
“Am I?”
No
I’m Grey. And I’m in love with a jock. He’s no ordinary student. He’s got it all. The perfect guy for everyone to love to. But, I’m a man. I mean, do I have the chance?
There he is along the hallway walking coolly. He’s going to pass by me. This is a typical day for a typical ordinary freak. Standing upright, steady; can’t even utter a word of greeting. (sigh…)

I am the exceptional. Well built body and a dragon tattoo on the back is my mark. I am smart, athletic, good- looking and popular. I am proud of myself. I wear skinny jeans, polo shirts by Hermes and a handy notebook to go with. I have a white tone appearance and my hair is fixed with styling goop. In short, I am a perfect know-it-all hotie.
“That geek…”
Are you sure?
“Yes, I’m really sure.”
I’m Terry. And I’m in love with a guy. Call me crazy but I don’t have affections on women at all. This is my big secret. For all they know I am manly. But I’m not. I’m in love with a geek. Yes, I’m in love with a guy who happens to be the president of the chess club.
What I feel for him is tremendous. But what can I do to make it true? We are both at world’s end. So far yet so close. Is he feeling the same way as I am right now?…

“I am speaking terms of every gay in town. In some part of this world, may it be in school, in an office, company, or may be just your local friend or neighbor. There will come a point that either of you will fall in love, in secrecy or not, nothing will stop the beat of your heart, your feelings and affection. So, just let be and let it guide you to that path where you are feeling most comfortable.”

Oblivion

2009-05-03T19:12:00.004+08:00

the time did not come
all things went into oblivion...

so, i wondered

... what would it take for me to go and save you?
would it mean that SACRIFICE is a must for me?
do i have a choice?

i do, i do have a choice
a choice only i can manage to take...

This drawing that I made was for my self. I was in distress that time. I was caught between choices that blocked my freedom to choose what I wanted to do. I was never ready. So I hid my self far from redemption... I hope I can find my way out in the oblivion.

FOR SALE

2009-04-21T12:57:00.003+08:00

BELGIAN MALINOIS for sale. Just contact this number 09282476639.

I forgive but I don't forget

2009-04-20T17:32:00.003+08:00

There comes a point in my life that i forgive magnanimously. Whole-heartedly I accept every fault even if I am wrong. Shameful as it is but it's for the better.
Unless, in some instances I do forgive but I don't forget. It is not a grudge nor a vengeance if I'm to take it on my own account if that is what you think. But if you could see the effect it will bring you then reconsidering is no option. After all, what has been done cannot be undone. You can move on actually but seeing the face of the culprit will just make you remember the nasty things he/she had done to you.

Bottom line: It's simple, really. Seeing your face won't make me forget those things you've done.

a teacher's nightmare

2009-04-18T15:45:00.003+08:00

Last night, I was thinking of something. 'Twas about my profession. Well, being a teacher is great, being able to impart knowledge is a wondrous legacy. But, will I stay like this forever? Na magiging "LAON" ako as what they call? Makikita ko pa kaya ang true love ko if I am this one heck of a dedicated individual?
ugh! The thought of it just makes me wanna cry. Scary but true.
Most teachers end up teaching all the way through until their hair would turn white. I hope it won't happen to me also.
Yes, being a teacher is so cool. Once you're done with the lesson you have taught, when you step out of the classroom, the feeling is more than happiness. Gumagaan ang loob mo. Masarap ang feeling I bet you!
But until then, I am, and I mean I am going to get married on the right time.

My Rainbow and my Infinity Pool

2009-04-12T15:29:00.004+08:00

"My entire life is a mirror of something good and bad. It's what I call balance. Although it surpasses all kinds of obstacle, sometimes, a bit of it overlaps and the system would be unequal. But then my life changed when I thought of something ironic yet remarkably beautiful and heart- warming. Upon seeing the other side of it, I knew I found the missing part of my puzzled life. So the balance is maintained..."

To my Family
My Friends
My English Family
My Lovers...

I found a rainbow. It's not any other rainbow that you could find elsewhere. Normally, a rainbow has limited colors. But mine, it has millions. Each color has different personality. Yes, it is very unique. Each is alive and vibrant in their own way, little or big. I love it so much for it brightens my way, myself, my life. Each made me laugh, happy, cry, angry, sad, hysterical, etc.
The rainbow, do you know why I have this kind of thing? It's because all of you are present there. You're the colors beneath my unstained soul. You are all there. A part of me.

I found a pool. It's the world's biggest and widest pool ever. I called the infinity pool.. Do you know who goes there? You, it's you again. All of you. No matter how many you are regardless of your sizes, everyone is fit to swim in my pool. It holds no bar. Endless. Boundless. My love for all of you will never cease. It is endless, pointless, bottomless.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!

See how my imagination run?
I bet you also have one, or two, or more.
I know you do. So share it. I want to hear from you.

This... is for you.

Puta ka!

2009-04-03T13:18:00.003+08:00

PUTA ka! my mom said to me repeatedly. Every time we quarrel there's always a bad tag after her dialogue. The most famous of all, PUTA.
Man! I'm so fed up with it so much! It's like everything I do Isn't good enough for her, she doesn't even care at all.
Sometimes, I would just cry the whole thing in my room, get a piece of cigarette and ponder on and on, and on...
My life sucks!
And I'm living with ISADORA, the horror.
And you know what, I think I am close to breaking my sanity. It takes a lot of something sad for you to make me cry.
I couldn't cry at the least moment and when that happens, everything will go straight to my heart and head.
I go nuts of that feeling.
Makes me wanna shout, cry out loud, and curse on something.
Crazy! Er?
Yes, that's me. my life.
Sad, isn't it?
The worst part is, when I'm on the right track to defend myself, I can't riposte on her because she won't let me. The thing is, for her, you're wrong when you know that you are right and really wrong if you're not right. (sigh)
The pain!

It's not only this that makes my life so miserable.
There's so much to write about me.
For now, eto lang muna.

my false phantasm

2009-03-28T14:59:00.005+08:00

From the moment I saw you
I knew from there that you’re the one
But what can I do?
I am just a stranger
Everyday I think of you
Not a moment passed, still, you’re on my mind
My heart melts for you
My mind speaks of you
Dear me! I’m madly in-love
Because of you, I fly like a dove
Do you notice me?
I hope you do
I think I can never reach you
Somehow, I think it’s true
Oh! It’s getting late, really late
I have to go
I’ll see you later
I’ll see you in my dreams
I will… I will… I… will…

The Halo

2009-03-28T14:44:00.005+08:00

“What a lovely day we’re having there sir!” Andrew Lopez said while giving the man a fresh bundle of news for the day.

“Oh yes indeed lad and a good day to you too.” Mr. Murray responded as the boy rode the street and passed by every house throwing rolled papers beneath the door.

“Why hello Andrew, you look dashing today!” an jubilant old woman shouted.

“Really? Gee, thanks Mrs. Coleman!” Andrew shouted back.

“Looking good shawty!” Chris said as he jogged passed Andrew.

“Yeah! Well, see ya later homy!” Andrew said.

“Coffee?” Mr. Judean shouted.

“No can do sir, got to deliver this all!” Andrew dismissed.

The morning breeze cooled the boy’s face as he rode along the streets of Mississippi. Streaks of light from the morning sun hit him softly in the cheeks, eyes and chest. The boy seemed happy and free from any unpleasant vibes. Alas! The last of the rolled newspapers was delivered and with an hour to spare for a cup of coffee and bread at the groove; a place where the boy usually gets his free meal from a friend who owns the restaurant.

Andrew was riding a bicycle fashioned with a basket in the front and a smudge of color blue stripes on the metal.

The streets was now beginning to fill up with cars and motorcycle going through the day’s daily routine. It’s going to get busy in no time.

As predicted, the road was packed with vehicles passing everywhere. Andrew rode smoothly but safely. As he moved forward he caught a glimpse of a halo icon printed on the glass of one of the stores he come to pass. He wondered why of all the pictures around the only thing he’d noticed was the yellow ringed icon.

“hmmm… what a beauty you are. So small yet very noticeable.” he said softly.

When suddenly, a truck was passing speedily right in front of him. He knew the truck did not notice him so he wheeled sideways and distractedly pressed on the break quickly. The bike bumped hastily on a moving car beside him. It budged his body hard that it made him flew meters away. He felt as if his divine and mortal body parted in mid air. Luckily he went straight into the pile of empty boxes on the other side of the street. He crashed. He stumbled. He fell.
He was disoriented to move but managed to get up slowly. As he did so, he looked around. To his surprise no one came to his aid but saw people rushing down to the place where an accident had just occurred. Curious, he went to it to see the fuss.

“Come on guys, there‘s a man hit by a car just over there.” a kid shouted.

“That poor man, the bleeding is serious they say.” said a girl from behind.

“Whoa! Thank God I only have bruises but that man, I hope his okay.” Andrew thought shaking abruptly.

He was now on the scene of the accident. Andrew saw his bike 10ft from him, disabled and wrecked. He did not bother fetching it; what’s more important to him now was the hit man. He heard people talk, scream, cried. He thought that may be this guy was very important or that he contributed so much to these people who mourns for him. He moved closer, as he stepped right in the tumultuous crowd to see the man he was shocked, stunned, petrified.
He thought for a while. Examined his body, head to toe. He was taken aback by what he had seen.
He fell on his knees. Head down, he clutched his pants. Tears started to fall from his eyes.
The rain poured.
Some of the people started to walk away from that place. He remained.

The air was cold, numbed, and heartbreaking. The rain did not stop.

The ambulance had just arrived. The medics picked up the body and went inside the vehicle. They passed through him…

Unseen… unnoticed.

my account

2009-03-28T14:34:00.001+08:00

20 years and counting…

I’m still single.
I had relationships with men and women before.
But all were just mere jokes.
I never had a serious relationship with someone.
8 months, 3 months, 2 months, 1 month, 30 days, a week, 3 days…
Yes, those were the months and days I had with a lover.
The horror. (sigh)
You know what’s the most painful part of being single?
I know you feel this too.
It’s when you are ready to love but still longing for someone who will comfort you at night, who will hug you, caress you and love you back.
How I wish this would soon come to an end.
Honestly, I am fed up of waiting.
But, I’m still hoping.
Though, I’m afraid of the consequences.
I am also guilty.
I am looking for you.
I hope you are searching for me also.
And, I hope we’ll see each other very soon.

Sweet Escape

2009-03-08T18:59:00.006+08:00

The air was cool, calm and gentle. I was standing right next to a man whose body was firm and tender. I was naked and so was he. We huddled for a while and went to the place where we could see the ants; there were so many of them roaming around scattered and somewhat preoccupied at the moment. Mostly, ants would likely fall into queue and walk straight with each other in front and at the back. But these beings are far different from each other; taking courses at different angles and never thought of each other's sake. Buzzing, beeping and laughing, they are very noisy for a low- class community...

I could clearly see the moon shining brightly upon me. A music of melancholic tune was turned on. I turned around, he was there standing coolly, he was responsible for the beat. He reached for my hand, he kissed me and then he hugged me tenderly. His body pressed on mine, and mine to him. The warmth of our body chilled me. Our chest was in contact so evenly. I stared at his face. His expression was deep and sincere. A tear fell. We then moved to the edge of the square cemented grilled barricade. We hugged again, this time it was like gripping each other's comfort. In a minute, our heads was tilted down and the scene was pacing fast around us. Tears from our eyes fell upward. We then slept predicting that it would be our last eternity to live in reality. We accepted our fate...

"I LOVE YOU" were the words omitted by our destiny.

I woke up dozing. The light was so bright that it pierced right through my eye as I sat up. I saw him right beside me, smiling and still naked he kissed me. I responded back.

"how was your sleep?" he said.

"it was fine, I dreamt of you." I said smiling.

"really? what was it about?"

"it was about us, we survived."

"a... are we...?

"yes. yes, we are."

Three (3)

2009-03-07T11:33:00.003+08:00

There are only three things i need in life:

LOVE to make me feel weak...

ALCOHOL to make me strong...

and,

FRIENDS to pick me up when love and alcohol make me hit the floor.

- excerpt from a text message.

BUZZ!!!

2009-03-07T11:30:00.002+08:00

grrr!!! gabararakang lang ya mga requirements! arghhh! puga! daw mabuang ko!!!
weeehhhh! i hate this sem!

A Poor Soul's Past

2009-02-25T12:15:00.005+08:00

'Twas the night of midsummer's season but the heat wasn't really getting into me. In fact, it was neither hot nor cold, the atmosphere was all too fine...
The fire was dancing; the fine dirty white smoke emitted by the burning wood gushed out from the chimney hastily. The shadows in the room seem to be joining the beat of it.
I was in a sofa, lying coolly but thinking deeply. I was in a supine position, my head on a cushion, left foot on a stool and the other huddled near my thigh; how soothing the feeling was. Even the warmth surrounding the place made me feel comfortable...
A thought just passed me. I could barely recall it, but the message was clear; I am a HYPOCRITE. I am living a life full of pretentious wonders. "Grow up!" I said to myself. My ego won't let me for he knows I'm too dependent. I may not understand why I'm fond of it but I know my capacity. My weakness is my ability not to control it.
I'm so broke!
My friends are the best; though many things had happened still I am thankful I met them. Sometimes, insecurity got the better of me. I felt unwanted, trashed, dumped, left behind, and unnoticed. I guess it's just a part of living, or may be a part of our arrogance.
I'm such a fool!
I love my family so much. The fact is, I think I'm the black sheep of the clan. For them, everything I do isn't good enough; they really love to compare! I hate it. I'm not yet accepted; I don't know where to start confessing although they already knew it. I wish they'll just let me be.
I'm so weak!
I am not a somebody nor a nobody. Why the hell am I contemplating all these things where in fact I'm not the only one whose got problems. I know that some people has problems far greater than I have. Why worry! (sigh)...

- Interview with a lonely Soul.

How far can you, or... do you understand?

2009-02-05T11:13:00.006+08:00

Can it be any harder? That for once I will be forced to throttle my keenness in relating a small thing from a particular ordeal? I believe in defying the odds. In making things possible out of sheer dumb luck. But a price is always at stake, never before that it has to be done in a clean fashion. Sometimes, you'll have to fight to be undefeated.
I am speaking in full terms; judging by the lack of guilt and despair to the woes of great evil ascending the depths of reality as to go beyond comparison of such nonsense and stupidity. Crime does not pay. Good deeds aren't that holy. Mischiefs are unexpected. Incidents don't come in accident. Because things are not always what they seem.
A fiendish scheme is half but not in all sight is effective. Are we that mysterious enough to unravel such horror in our personality, aren't we? We are not animals for goodness gracious. Clearly we are designed to choose the best out of a wrenching havoc. It is in our conviction to put a notion in action. We just have to let it be. We are what we are. It will never cease for as long as we live in this beautiful but cruel world.

It Started With a Kiss

2009-01-27T12:30:00.006+08:00

I was in a deep thought heading toward my bed when all of a sudden my legs collapsed and I was down on my knees for no reason. My heart was pounding fast, chills run down my spine and gave me the goosebumps. Everything seemed totally in a bliss. I rose up and went to bed. I lie down gently.
The moon was so bright and the stars were twinkling elegantly. I began to noticed that the sky was getting darker and darker, it was the cloud covering the moon and the stars like some dark force invading a helpless group of angels. Drops of tears started to fall continuously. I wasn't aware of it really. In fact, I was bothered by its loud thumping on the roof that I could not draw myself to sleep but kept thinking of what happened that noon...

It was 4:30 late that noon when I had just finished writing all my term paper documents. I was so exhausted that I immediately put all the papers in my drawer and went off in a rush. I entered the tube-like prison cell machine called the elevator and waited for it to close. It was about to close when a man two years older than me stepped right in. My heart then started to beat rapidly for the man seemed promiscuous by nature. It was Myigo, my all time crush from grade school and my friends best friend. He was also working at the company. We exchanged smiles and talked for some time. He was wearing a brown ragged coat and a black undershirt, white complexion and a perfectly combed brunette hair. His eyes were coral blue and his lips were red like a rose that bloomed from its bud. He looked handsome as ever.
He kept looking at me as if he wanted to eat me viciously. We were the only person on that elevator. I was hurrying to get out of that machine but I couldn't because we were only on the 10th floor from the ground. I was so nervous that I froze in total nothingness. His hand suddenly reached for my cheek. I looked at him, puzzled. Things got so fast that the next thing I knew we were kissing passionately. It was like heaven, like my longing for him finally paid off. His soft lips pressed on mine deeply and how tender his lips were; the taste of his mouth was so sweet that it made me kissed him even harder. The moment came to me, I noticed that the time of our closeness seemed too long and that it was time to withdraw but my hands won't let. He then gently caressed my neck; I was so aroused that for a second I opened my eyes and saw the floor meter run down to the ground floor and as the door opened I immediately threw myself back and hurriedly went out the elevator. My heart was still beating fast. I could not think straight that I forgot about the party I had to go to. I wanted to go back for him but then I just let myself walked with delight. Without control, I wheeled back at him and gave him a smile. He looked back at me too and nodded and smiled...

Half past three in the morning and I couldn't shut my eyes at all. The rain was heavy and keeps falling completely. I felt the cold all over my body. Alas! my eyes began to close its suffering gently. I tugged for my pillow and blanket. I moved sideways. From there, I could see his angelic face sound asleep. His hands, warm as he embraced me unconsciously. I kissed him and turned off the light as its brightness slowly fade and covered us in total blackness of silhouette.

My Misery

2009-01-26T12:25:00.002+08:00

January 19, 2009. It was that very first day of the week before the midterm examination when I was feeling depressed and weak. Before I went to school I was already crying.
All the pressure went straight to my heart. I could not take it much longer, I exploded. Tears began to fall and there was nothing I could do 'coz the pain cut me deep, too deep that I forgot about my 7:30am class.
I went to school sobbing, my eyes were bulging and red. I wasn't paying any attention in my R.E. subject, I was so preoccupied with what I'm feeling that time not until the 8:30 class. I was finishing my write- ups and sources and when i was done, I rested for a while. There it was, my heart started to ache emotionally. I knew I was going to cry so I told my teacher if I could go out. She said yes, so I immediately went off. While walking, I wasn't able to take hold of my feeling that in a second I burst into tears. Watery eyed, a friend called, it was my best friend Diza. I ignored her but she seemed to noticed that I was crying. She followed me at the comfort room, she waited for me outside. I was already crying hard when I came to her. She comforted me and patted my back for relief. But I could not stop crying because all the problems, the hurt, the nag, financial crisis, and family problem came out. All of it made me lose my state- being. I cried and cried until my eyes soared and appeared puffy. In my head, I told myself to give- up but I was to weak to do so.
I was so angry yet sad of the things happening to me. I did not understand of all the people, why me? So I came to think that maybe it's all just a part of my journey. The way I'm going through is too steep and rigid. A path where I had to play the one being bullied, being the miserable. But nothing will stop me here.
I will go on...
I'll come through...

Long Distance

2009-01-09T14:20:00.002+08:00

It's hard to fall in love with someone from far away. Judging the distance of your relationship is just impossible.
Keeping in touch with one another through technology is cool, but having an affair in cyber world? creepy!
Nothing, nothing is great if you only know the person through this and that and not in the real world. You might never know if he/she is true to you and is honest in every way. It's just that everything is possible in this kind of situation. We can only bare in mind that any time is a good opportunity to let hold of someone's neck. We need to be very careful and be very cautious at all times. It's not safe to play games with strangers. You'll never know, he\she might grab you from behind and drag you all the way to nowhere.

New Year Bonanza!

2009-01-03T14:39:00.003+08:00

Ugh! I was drunk when we waited for 2009 to come. Beers everywhere, Wines, Carlo Rossi red and white wine, etc... What a night that was! The fireworks were the bomb; it lighted the pitch dark sky with beautiful booms of explosion. The streets were as loud as ever, smoke emitted by the fireworks covered the road, people here and there shouted at the top of their lungs! That night was really something. It was the best new year celebration I ever had and these wines proved that I was intoxicated by their evil but sweet temptation! oh yeah! I felt like heaven was near me that my ears were so hot and ready to erupt!
2009... Cheers to you! I just hope that This year is going to be a blast. That everything will change for the better and every opposition will unite to renew the chaos that has been.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Rise of My Flock

2008-12-30T18:28:00.003+08:00

I don't have any problem with them actually. In fact, I'm gay and I'm happy to know that they revealed their self being gay and all that. Philippines is soon to be the GAY capital of this world, hopefully not! the problem is, most gays prefer to be bisexuals but bisexual men stay as what they are. I hope that these gays would rather show the real deal of their self than to pretend.
Long live my precious!!!

Hair Faux Pa?

2008-12-26T15:21:00.006+08:00

Look at me, my head is so shiny like a crystal ball shimmering under a light... (laughs)

Surprised? well, I'm not. This look is much better than before when I only had few hair on my head; my scalp, visibly seen amidst the clear and annoying array of my hair was so distracting.

Do I look like Boy Abunda? NOT! True, the complexion of my skin does matches his but I'm way too handsome to be compared. Oh! what about Lex Luther from Small ville? DEFINITELY! Regardless of our skin color, we do look alike. I'm handsome, his handsome, we are both pretty!

A friend claimed that I was a man of updates; in short, seasonal. The Autumn season was the most obvious, my hair started to fall badly that every day the irony of seeing 100 strands of hair falling was very stressful and not to mention a dreadful shock of shame. Winter shaved my hair yesterday and from the look of it the field was as clear as snow. Very evident that I no longer have hair. (sigh)

What a shock! haha! At least I don't have that kind of distorted shape for a skull.

I know it's funny to see my new do. Yet, I'm still beautiful even without embellishments. I'd rather prefer this bald statement than to go out with my previous hair looking like an old man with a terrible mane to post. For the record, this look is just temporary. My hair will grow soon, you'll see.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone and LONG LIVE THE BALDS...!

Knotted Hope

2008-12-09T11:25:00.005+08:00

From the start, I already knew
That things will go smoothly and through
No matter how bitter it'll be
I will stay focus and relax as to forever free

Hardships in life may appear
Trials that come will surely disappear
Though little my strength is
but my powering endurance will never cease

I am vulnerable at heart
Feelings i have soar high above
And when laughter paints a thousand art
A gust of joy fills my soul with endless love.

- Francis Carl

It's Time to Wait

2008-12-09T11:01:00.004+08:00

I have this kindling feeling all over me. I may not understand what this feeling means but I already have an idea that it is of good omen.

Days come and go, still I am in search of a love, a true love that is really meant for me. Though hard and nerve- breaking it may seem to wait but I know it's going to be worth it in the end.

When the time comes, my long wish of waiting in vain will all be over. I just hope that it will last for a lifetime. Nevertheless, I know that you're just out there waiting. We'll get there and when we do, I know that life is going to be beautiful.

The Pros and Cons of Self Destruction

2008-12-09T10:33:00.006+08:00

Have you ever come to a point in your life that you want to die right away? or argue with your thought as to find the solution in every problem? well, i do. It's not a matter of quick thinking really. We have all the time to reflect, to see things in perspective. But are we sure of what we're thinking then?

There are a lot of interference in our life. Our self, a manifestation of light and darkness in the midst of every stroke we make in this mysterious world. Yes, it's really tough staying at a point where the least to expect is not an assurance in our will to accommodate. However, there are people who by mistake interprets their life as unknown or not fixed. These people are those who can hear but does not listen. Those who can see but never sees the real deal of it. Those who can speak but does not know how. Confusion is a game not to be tampered with, it's in our mind actually. Perhaps it is up to us and our will to create such notions of impending truth. Now, what is really in us that makes us formidable in every situation we are getting into?

We are what we are and we have our self to rely on. If we could just convince our self to see truth, then by all means the destruction is yet to come. In contrast, if we regard our self to the level of insanity and without intensive conformation, then consequences will rise and may provoke us to kill our self- being.

The pros and cons of self destruction are but a halfway nuisance in our life. It is not much of a choice but a conspiracy lay visible underneath our survival.

Happy Hatching Day...

2008-11-09T14:48:00.003+08:00

The day I came to be...

November 8, 1988, my birthday. I turned 20 just yesterday, and it was very memorable. I was so happy that everyone greeted me and gave me gifts which I did not expect. Even before the day of my birthday, November 7, I was really looking forward to my birthday. I waited all night of course. I checked my phone from time to time to see who texted me with greetings and lovely messages. Well, everyone greeted me in advance but the first who greeted me was Gringo at exactly 12 midnight. Haha! i was very happy of course! so much!

Alas! Saturday has come, my hatching day. I was very happy to see that everyone including my family and friends greeted me. The day was fine of course and all was perfectly going well. My kariktan dance troupe family were all smiles, happy and gay! That morning also, the inbox of my phone got full of text messages which has birthday greetings on it coming from my classmates and friends. I was so very happy at that time. I feel so lucky that i have such good and loving families and friends to look up to. I will really cherish the moment i came to live in this world!

The celebration was not too much, at least everyone was present. We also planned to go bar hopping but it was cancelled due to minor problems so I just stayed at home and watched television all night. It was very sad that i didn't get to go out with my friends though my feelings were overwhelmed.

My day was as cool as ever! Thank you God for giving me such a wonderful day. It will always stay in my memory and will never fade. Thank you God, Mom, Pao, to all the Vicencio family, to my friends... Farnie, mia, eden, lyue, kinji, kitchie, all english majors... to Kristel, errol, choco, arzy, eurissa, Bryan, louie...
THANKS A MILLION GUYS!!! LOVE YOU ALL!

So Close

2008-10-31T10:51:00.000+08:00

October 20, 2008. That night, I was asked by my mom to deliver a piece of fish and a pack of sausages for my dad so that he'll have dinner to eat for the night.

My dad, you see, he's now living in our farm lot. I don't know the reason why he preferred to live in a place so far from us. He's a very stubborn old man that's for sure.

I used our motorcycle for transport that evening. Of course, I do know a little about driving. It's really fun and cool when you know how to drive a motorcycle or a car you know. Once you get the hang of it, it'll be just a piece of cake. As for me, adrenaline rush got the better of me. I was totally nervous even at starting the engine. So, I drove off safely, easily and smoothly.
I arrived at dad's place and parked the motorcycle on the left side of the road. There parked a truck that was blocking the way in to his little hub. The vehicle was loaded with sacks of rice ready for delivery at a rice mill.

The workers were so busy loading the truck with sacks of rice so I went directly to the house and gave the food to my dad. After doing so, I then left and headed towards the motorcycle. At first I was bothered as to where am i going to move the motorcycle. I was so confused if whether I should turn the motorcycle back or just go straight forward, but I thought hesitantly so I started the engine and moved sideways to the right. I was also aware that I am not used in turning the motorcycle at the right but I hesitated and squeezed the handle carefully. Due to my nervousness, things got fast and I know for the fact that I am somewhat losing control. Then it got me, the vehicle went toward the irrigation canal. I didn't know what to do until I felt a force pushing me to jump; I squeezed the hand break but it didn't work, so I immediately threw myself and jumped. Luckily, I was able to balance my body and stood up straight. My left foot was aching but I did not show any reaction. My aunt and my dad came to the spot where I was so close to hurting myself. They were so angry and worried of what happened but I was too shocked to ease myself at the time being.

The motorcycle fell into the canal; my dad together with some workers helped in getting the vehicle out from the canal pit. I was trembling with fear and shock then i came to think how I manage to survived the accident. It happened so fast that I wasn't able to recall the event. I was so thankful that nothing bad happened to me. I thank God for that force that triggered me to jump for my life, It was then that I realized that our time being is only for the mean time and that we must be careful in everything we do. This was the very first time that it happened to me and I am thanking God for the guidance and protection he has for me.

The Stick and the Bottle

2008-10-25T18:55:00.000+08:00

Glog, glog, glog, glog, glog. . .
Hsshhh. . . whooooshhhh. . .

Isa pa! hoy! Di mo inubos yang beer sa baso mo! Madaya ka! hmpf! One more bottle please... um, guys i think we're running out of beer, let's go for something hard! Don't forget the cigarette, OK?

Ah... Drinking beer and smoking cigarette is really something. One may rate this pleasure a little bit high. Some people drink and smoke because they want to feel good. Some do this because they want to relax or escape from the hustle of life's beauty. Some, when they're lonely or heartbroken, they drink to the last drop and smoke so that the pain in their heart will go away. Bet you didn't know that too much of this may also lead to death. As for me, yes, i drink and smoke but not to the full extent that I'm going to ruin my dreams all because of this. I only drink and smoke occasionally. People who threw their life with these vices end up getting hurt. For some reason, on my own account, drinking and smoking lets you reunite with your friends or barkadas and build dreams out of thin sheer imaginations, weird isn't it?

Now, I'm just a socialite who knows better than to deal with such vices. It's very hard to quit though, but try at least.

Alcohol intake won't do you any better, but I'm sure it'll take you high! Oh nicotine, you're so addictive i could not cut the habit concerning you. Why do i bother myself troubling the likes of you things? Although, you two are my partners in every crime, still, why can't the cops capture a boy like me? Too ironic, isn't it? But why do some people like you so much as if they are tied behind your back? You are really that addictive to us, aren't you? Nevertheless, the answer lies to those who know you better more than i do. But i have one question though, is it necessary to drink alcohol or sniff the smoke of nicotine?

Self- Reliance

2008-10-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

Believing in yourself is what really counts. Most people don't know about this. By believing that you yourself can make it, there's no doubt that one can grasp the fulfillment of every craving. Let us console ourselves for every thing that we do is a product of our own sweat and hard work. Anything is possible if we just surrender to our own simple appraisal.

Self- reliance is the valuing of one's worth and capabilities. It is said in the text that "discontent is the want of self- reliance" which is to do more and don't mind what others might say or think.

Being able to do everything in our own desire is already a fulfillment. When we put our work in our heart, we accept whatever mistakes we do and we are open for any changes. Thus, by trusting thyself, the deliverance of our effort is in our hands to critic.

We based our potentials to our capability of producing outcomes which we think is good enough, but even if the output is a waste, still, we should appreciate every bit of art we make.

Sure enough that envy is there lurking upon our midst but never should we imitate to correct our errors because every piece is a work of art no matter how trash- looking it may seem.

Our intention to rely resides on the spontaneous impression of our well- being. It is in the very fabric of our thought that by doing something in our own accord reduces the feeling of anxiety. Therefore, it is in our own conviction not to withdraw but pursue what we think is worth striving for. Never mind what others will say for they doesn't know what perfection is like.

We rely on our self because we trust our self; our self confidence empowers us to defy the odds, thus giving our attitude a boost to discover the vastness of the unknown.

The majestic flow of our will power is the mainstream of our diction. Self- reliance is just another alarm to awaken our mind and that we need not to conform others because our mind speaks the truth. The reason for all of this is that we want to discover more of our nature, manner, and action. It is also to redeem our weakness and strength as we follow our own path. Moreover, Self- reliance defines our character differently.

WHAT IF. . .

2008-10-09T19:53:00.000+08:00

As i was in deep thought of wondering beyond myself, my mind and body, i came to imagine things from which i would say what if...

What if i was never born, will i be able to see the magnificent extravagance of planet earth?

What if i have no name, will be able to hear someone say Francis?

What if i ave no family, will i reach this kind of life i have right now?

What if I'm not studying, will i be able to write all of these?

What if i continued to study nursing, would i have known better my career?

What if i will be an astronaut, will i be able to teach children the wisdom i possess?

What if i won the lottery?

What if I'm a multi- billionaire, will i spend my money on greater things?

What if i own a very fancy restaurant, a cafe, or a resort, but will these leisure's add to my satisfaction?

What if I'm an actor, will i be able to grab shinning shimmering trophies?

What if my name is on the walk of fame in Hollywood, will Julia Roberts step on it?

What if i have a time machine, will i go back time to change the ways i incurred?

What if i have supernatural powers, will i be able to do unimaginable things?

What if... what if I'm a girl, will i be stuck like this forever?

What if I'm wearing a bra tonight, will my boobs boost?

What if i die right now, will my love ones mourn of their loss?

What if my father was not a soldier, will i live a life of harmony?

What if i know all of the martial arts, am i going to challenge Jackie Chan and Jet Li?

What if i can fly, will i chase the airplanes, the Philippine Airlines?

What if there's a flood, will i swim to ease the tension coming out from me?

What if i never met that person, will i be this mature to go on my own way?

What if we never met, will i get all the chance to stay forever in this world with you?

The Thorn In My Sleeve

2008-09-25T14:12:00.001+08:00

"The good of every desire is not to be tampered with one that has such a black pitiful soul."

Yes, she is the flaw in every account that i have. I didn't know that she was lurking around the bush unnoticed. She was all smile at first, good and hardly traceable. So hard to believe that she peeled off right before and behind me, not knowing that in her hand, that dagger she holds, so sharp and sleek, was about to be plunged right through my heart.

Regardless of what she attained, still, she's one hell of a thorn in my sleeve! If only she had think that what she's done was of great evil.

It has been 8 months or so. I'm still troubled of those hoax she made. Man! she made me look stupid in the eyes of our relatives as if i am this malevolent in nature. I couldn't help but think what her purpose was. "It's for your own good," Kristin Val said. How can it help me if those people whom you gossip with only shows affectionate compassion? tsk, tsk, tsk!

Poor you, why are you doing this? Do you have a grudge on me? Don't you know that the more you will keep on doing this, the more i will think that your a lousy good for nothing conniving snake?! I pity your soul, you're just another foul play to our kind.

To all of us, beware and be alert of a person whom you know is good, especially if that person is a blood relative of yours. She's maybe in disguise but don't fool yourself of what she might do. Remember that a beast will always be a beast no matter how good she cleans up her act, the stain will still remain and will never fade.

La Vita E Bella (Life is Beautiful)

2008-09-23T14:15:00.000+08:00

I think the most meaningful films to watch are those of small European movies that allow us to get involved with a single person or family in their town or village and let us observe up close the impact of evil on people we have come to genuinely care about.

Life is Beautiful, an Italian movie, written, directed by and starring Roberto Benigni, is a movie blended with a bit of comedy and wrenching sorrow resulting from the deportation of Jews from the concentration camps.

This movie is divided into two main parts, the first featuring the charming, romantic buffoonery of Guido Orefice, who has come to work as a waiter in his uncle's fancy hotel. In this first part of the movie, the music and the tune of every scene seem to be going in accordance to the settings, making it more carefree and vibrant as Guido's joke scenes coincide with the music. The lighting is in its full peak as though every scene is filled with laughter and joy.

Guido Orefice, a seemingly intelligent man is a character full of jokes and silly doings such as stealing other guy's hats, and later pretended to be an inspector of a school while dressed only in his underwear. He sets his romantic sights on the pretty school teacher Dora, a beautiful and gentle woman of a local upper crust. Guido saves Dora from her rude and loud fiance.

After all of the funny romantic stuff, the music and the mood changed into somewhat heavy falls of rain and strong beat of drums. The film then jumps ahead five years or so, assuming their marriage with the appearance of a young son named Joshua, an adorable little kid who's innocence gave him the protection he ever needed. By the time the Nazis, brutal and cruel soldiers, occupied the town and begun to harass Jews, including posting signs on non- Jewish shops saying "no Jews or dogs allowed." The little boy wonders and so, Guido invents a false answer and thus begins a pattern of creative deception to shield the child from the ugly reality.

The second part of the movie started on the day of Joshua's birthday party, Guido and the boy were taken off by the Nazis along with all the Jews of the town. The confused little boy then asked queries from his dad, Guido answers by pretending the entire thing is a game and the goal is to follow papa's rules and win points. It worked, the boy liked the game.

The film then shifted the whole story to the little boy's point of view when Guido and the boy entered the concentration camp. The thing was that it's all just a game and by playing on papa's rule, the boy will win points and a genuine tank.

The daily life and death game continues as Guido performs as a slave labor while his son hides out in the men's barracks while somehow learning that kids are being "cooked" in ovens in the camp.

The day arrived when soldiers here and there scattering everywhere, killing inmates to lessen the number of burden and abandon the place with the evacuees. That day was the end of the game, Joshua hid in a box where his father put him and Guido died when one of the soldiers escorted him and then shot him in an attempt to escape.

The film is a violence free movie and has enough light comedy to keep the children interested when watching this film. It also provides a meaningful dramatic experience. The film projects that the love and sacrifice of a father for a son makes "life is beautiful" worthwhile. Thus, strongly suggest this saying "protect what is beautiful from them."

Happiness, Sadness, and the Storm

2008-09-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

Happiness, a vivid state of delight were one person feels every time he accomplishes something whether good or bad. When i am happy, i sometimes jump and scream at the top of my lungs. I can't even explain the emotion why I am overjoyed, feeling carefree. It seems like riding on a cloud and all the burden just fades away. A feeling of satisfaction, calm storm, a remedy to pain, a light to the heart. Happiness erases worry, changing it to joy, lighting up gloomy days, each face a glimpse of heaven.
In contrast, sadness is a storm, leaving nothing, destroying everything, inescapable. Providing false hope that hinders life, a pain too much to bear.

Storm

Thunders, lightnings, strong wind and droplets of rain stormed the boy's mind. He came back home after school. In his room, he tried to think what was causing him from doubting what his personality is. He never felt so troubled until later that afternoon where he saw a guy just about his age, so manly, the body was well built. The face kept haunting him as if the man wanted to eat the boy. He was never sure then of whom he saw, for him it was all blurry. He then fetch a glass of water and suddenly a knock on the door jolted him. He opened the door slowly and just as he's about to say something, his face shocked with delight and amusement. The man he saw that afternoon was standing right before him and the next thing he knew, the man hugged him like a gift wrapper, so tight that he screamed with joy. It was actually his long lost friend from their hometown which he never recognized for a long time.

Tinalak Festival

2008-09-17T10:33:00.000+08:00

Whenever there's a festival, everyone is excited to go strolling, eat whatever they could along the street in every food stand and everyone is eager to see beautiful sights, lantern display and bands playing in some area. Everywhere is decorated capturing everybody's attention.

T'nalak Festival is a one of a kind festivity celebrated every 11th to 18th of July, T'nalak reigns to be luxurious. the celebration provides different events everyday and night. poeple all around the vicinity of Marbel come and go. Alunan Avenue, infultrated with diffferent faces filled up as the night goes. People push and pull every person they encounter just to get through. Never was it foretold that this year's T'nalak festival was going to be this overcrowded.

Nonetheless, the fireworks did it all, it ease everyone's sweat and rushed feelings. Like a flower enjoying a cold night zypher.

Betrayed Over Non- Factual Remedy

2008-09-10T13:24:00.006+08:00

"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness."- Ayn Rand

Betrayal is a thing that can really cut you deep. Until now, I feel so upset that a blood relative of mine crushed my whole dignity as if i was a criminal of some kind. It really saddens me and got the inside pit of me, my ego, to revolt and have revenge!

The whole thing was nothing really, It was resolved long before she graduated from college. She started the war when she went to Luzon to visit our relatives in Nueva Ecija. Sources told me that she was telling all sorts of cock and bull stories about me when i was still in Davao. She started the gossip from person to person until one of my sources found out from a relative that she has been talking about it since yesterday. It was a shock for me when my sources told me all about it. I was going nuts and ready to strike back and give her the hell out of me!

I really don't know the reason why she has done such a thing that would wreck my dignity and personality to our clan. After all we've been through, and now this? oh my, it's like she's trying to suck confidence and trust out from our family. She did not even took noticed of what would i have felt. It's a shame though, trying to compete over nothing? tsk tsk! oh! She betrayed me alright! She ruined the trust i have for her. Tsk, tsk, not to mention that she's my cousin, a part of my blood. The BAD BLOOD to her dad, her siblings... in my body, soul and in my name, VICENCIO.

Years may pass, but i don't think forgiveness will do. Although I am open about it, still, the horror will stay and will get stuck in my mind for eternity. The whole thing changed me and it made a mark on myself. A mark that will never be erased even time cannot heal. I also presumed that she is guilty of what she's done, she can't come to me straight, she's just ignoring every cite of my face. I think she's afraid that i 'm going to hit her. I think she's afraid to confess. And for the record, all of us know what your personality is like and none in our family likes you for that attitude!!!

KRISTIN VAL DEMOCRITO VICENCIO... please try to act your age. You're giving me problems, low and very reasonable, not to mention RESOLVED problems! You may have stepped on me but I will rise and i will get you for good! You'd better shape up 'cause no one in our family liked the way you're treating us. Be aware of who you are dealing with, fcuk!