February 25, 2009

A Poor Soul's Past

'Twas the night of midsummer's season but the heat wasn't really getting into me. In fact, it was neither hot nor cold, the atmosphere was all too fine...
The fire was dancing; the fine dirty white smoke emitted by the burning wood gushed out from the chimney hastily. The shadows in the room seem to be joining the beat of it.
I was in a sofa, lying coolly but thinking deeply. I was in a supine position, my head on a cushion, left foot on a stool and the other huddled near my thigh; how soothing the feeling was. Even the warmth surrounding the place made me feel comfortable...
A thought just passed me. I could barely recall it, but the message was clear; I am a HYPOCRITE. I am living a life full of pretentious wonders. "Grow up!" I said to myself. My ego won't let me for he knows I'm too dependent. I may not understand why I'm fond of it but I know my capacity. My weakness is my ability not to control it.
I'm so broke!
My friends are the best; though many things had happened still I am thankful I met them. Sometimes, insecurity got the better of me. I felt unwanted, trashed, dumped, left behind, and unnoticed. I guess it's just a part of living, or may be a part of our arrogance.
I'm such a fool!
I love my family so much. The fact is, I think I'm the black sheep of the clan. For them, everything I do isn't good enough; they really love to compare! I hate it. I'm not yet accepted; I don't know where to start confessing although they already knew it. I wish they'll just let me be.
I'm so weak!
I am not a somebody nor a nobody. Why the hell am I contemplating all these things where in fact I'm not the only one whose got problems. I know that some people has problems far greater than I have. Why worry! (sigh)...

- Interview with a lonely Soul.


Kiyuki MeiLi Chizuko said...

THere is actually nothing to fret about, your not alone! I empathize with you since we're both in the same situation...you feel unwanted and rejected sometimes, i do feel that way, much more than you! hahaha...you are very unique, one of kind, just be the best that you can be, people do notoce people, but sometimes they can be often preoccupied with many things that they could not give you the attention you wanted...always take this in mind: "Undrstanding resolves all conflicts and problems" ....I love the title of the post! hehehe

Kiyuki MeiLi Chizuko said...

You describe the atmosphere very well!! I could vividly imagine the place and the ambience...heheheh

carl uno said...

its imaginary my dear, the place is in heaven.... haha! well, the piece doesn't literary mean that its me. im referring to those people who are less like us. although, we tend to be one sometimes, right? hehe... thanks kinj. yeah!!! we've been thru a lot already and u were my 1st ever companion... rock on dude!!!