January 26, 2009

My Misery

January 19, 2009. It was that very first day of the week before the midterm examination when I was feeling depressed and weak. Before I went to school I was already crying.
All the pressure went straight to my heart. I could not take it much longer, I exploded. Tears began to fall and there was nothing I could do 'coz the pain cut me deep, too deep that I forgot about my 7:30am class.
I went to school sobbing, my eyes were bulging and red. I wasn't paying any attention in my R.E. subject, I was so preoccupied with what I'm feeling that time not until the 8:30 class. I was finishing my write- ups and sources and when i was done, I rested for a while. There it was, my heart started to ache emotionally. I knew I was going to cry so I told my teacher if I could go out. She said yes, so I immediately went off. While walking, I wasn't able to take hold of my feeling that in a second I burst into tears. Watery eyed, a friend called, it was my best friend Diza. I ignored her but she seemed to noticed that I was crying. She followed me at the comfort room, she waited for me outside. I was already crying hard when I came to her. She comforted me and patted my back for relief. But I could not stop crying because all the problems, the hurt, the nag, financial crisis, and family problem came out. All of it made me lose my state- being. I cried and cried until my eyes soared and appeared puffy. In my head, I told myself to give- up but I was to weak to do so.
I was so angry yet sad of the things happening to me. I did not understand of all the people, why me? So I came to think that maybe it's all just a part of my journey. The way I'm going through is too steep and rigid. A path where I had to play the one being bullied, being the miserable. But nothing will stop me here.
I will go on...
I'll come through...


Evora Bogacki Hiso said...

hello franz..
you should come through you'll get over those heartaches and miseries!!!
just remember that we are all here!!!

kinjie and evora

kiraSue said...

I've read your post very very late maybe... But still I would like to extend my concern.. better late.. than never..

everything laid down to us are just tests... tests we surely can pass... hahehe... after those heartaches of yours... you'll realize.. you've become a person stronger than before... Yngatz kah permi... AJA

carl uno said...

i know! hehe... thank you rik. i love you guys!